My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
