Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
