i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and she was petting her beer can
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
