OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
