Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
