im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
