Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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