I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
