You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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