it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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