when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
