I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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