so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
