I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
