I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We're too hungover to prance.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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