how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
