God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
