hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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