You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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