The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
