i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
