He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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