So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think your dad took our porno
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
