Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
