Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize