I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
