I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dear god my vagina.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
