Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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