I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i out mim tonsoeep
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