I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
