the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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