Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
