I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
