She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
