I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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