If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
