worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
