pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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