i think my mom watched the whole time
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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