a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
