it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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