so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
