I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
