my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
