you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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