is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
