The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
