well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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