Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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