So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
