Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
