This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
