Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I came so hard my ears popped.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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