So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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