I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
