maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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