hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
