had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
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Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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