Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
try to milk me bitch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
