i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
