its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
