There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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