2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
