I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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