So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
