I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I forget how to act sober
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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