You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
