her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
