Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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