my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
