i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
