I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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