Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
