also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
